The only time I had gone for a full year without penetration happened without planning. It arose naturally as I followed the extraordinary inner discoveries of my early days on the tantric path.
Many years later, when I was already teaching Tantra, I continued experimenting with myself. Trying different approaches, I decided to spend one year without ejaculation or penetration in order to understand the effects on my body and on my meditation.
I had taught myself to swim, to ride a bicycle, a motorbike, a car, a sailboat, and many other things without anyone’s help — and it was the same with Kunyaza, the practice of female ejaculation.
I was in the middle of a very deep, mystical sexual encounter with a woman to whom I felt an intense attraction.
Yet I did not want to break my vow of abstaining from penetration and ejaculation. I had already been more than six months into the process, and I was committed to completing one full year so that I could observe its effects on my meditation.
I was very serious about this commitment — and having this beautiful woman, naked before me, asking me to enter her, challenged my discipline more deeply than anything before.
What I felt in that moment was not simply strong sexual desire. It was something beyond myself — something unknown. I had previously experienced the sacredness of sexual connection. I had felt Unity. Through lovemaking I had crossed the fear of insanity. In tantric practice I had even confronted the notion of death. But with this woman, in that moment, I sensed that something completely new was about to happen.
And it did.
Without thinking, allowing the immense desire to move through me, I took my penis in my hand and began to tap it rhythmically against her vulva — like the stick of a drummer. Following a divine rhythm, I watched myself continuing without stopping. The rhythm seemed to come from her — or from the Source — something I could not control, only allow.
I was transmitting all of my life-force energy — highly charged after months of retention — into that rhythmic movement against her vulva.
In the process of trying not to “fail” in my goal, I discovered Kunyaza by myself.
This experience showed me that allowing the flow of life can be far more interesting than rigidly clinging to our self-imposed goals.
I had already been privileged to witness the awakening of kundalini in myself and in others. I had also had the honor of witnessing Amrita on very special occasions.
When I was preparing my PhD in sexology, defending the existence of female ejaculation, I encountered strong resistance from my academic peers.
Yet I had never heard, seen, or read about what I was about to witness directly unfolding in front of me.
She began to ejaculate to the rhythm of my penis tapping. She began — and she did not stop. She ejaculated again and again until the mattress beneath us was so wet that we had to move to another bed — where the same thing happened all over again.
This experience opened the door to a mysterious, sacred dimension of sexuality that continued for months and changed my life forever.
My natural curiosity and academic background compelled me to search for an explanation of what had happened.
I began to investigate and eventually discovered the Kunyaza tradition in Rwanda. I traveled there to study its origins — a tradition in which sexuality is deeply connected with nature and with profound respect for women.
In Rwandan Kunyaza tradition, it is believed that if women cease to ejaculate, the waters of the world — rain, rivers, and lakes — will begin to dry. Female ejaculation is seen as the source of all waters — the sacred waters. Because of this belief, the practice has been treated with great seriousness and reverence.
Thanks to this belief, the tradition is still alive — although elders are now beginning to speak about it publicly because younger generations show less interest in ancestral knowledge.
Influenced by Western media, many young Rwandans prefer modern cultural ideals that leave little room for ancient traditions. As a result, this ancestral knowledge risks being forgotten.
It was not easy for me to gain access to this information. I had to build trust with a local woman who needed to understand that I was not there to exploit the tradition for a commercial workshop, to Westernize it, or to remove it from its cultural context.
I had to find a sexologist willing to speak with me and a translator I could trust.
Compared with male sexuality, female ejaculation remains far less studied by science and surrounded by uncertainty. Although research and clinical reports exist, much of the medical establishment — and even regulators in the pornography industry — still deny its legitimacy, reducing it to nothing more than urine.
Female ejaculation may sometimes accompany a form of clitoral orgasm, yet it can be more intense because it activates the Skene’s glands — sometimes called the female prostate — which secrete fluids containing prostatic-type proteins. These glands, often associated with the so-called G-spot, can induce orgasm even without direct external clitoral stimulation. Ejaculation may arise from persistent stimulation of the Skene’s glands, or from a combination of glandular and clitoral stimulation.
What remains especially interesting — and still largely unexplored — is how female ejaculation relates to energetic movement in the body during orgasm, and how awareness may help reawaken this innate capacity.
To move forward, we must address both scientific and cultural skepticism around female ejaculation. Until this barrier is overcome, we remain distant from deeper questions about women’s bodily awareness and the impact on intimate relationships. To what extent can female ejaculation empower a woman? How might it reshape the energetic dynamic of the couple? Can a man remain orgasmic without ejaculating while the woman does?
More concerning still is that many women do not know about their own capacity to ejaculate — and the overwhelming majority of men have no understanding of it at all. That is why speaking about this subject is essential: it reveals a powerful dimension of gender, sexuality, and bodily awareness that has long been suppressed.
The female body remains a profound and mystical mystery. This very uncertainty offers an opportunity for transformation, inviting deeper exploration of consciousness — individually and as a couple. Tantra offers a path to experience this discovery not as performance or achievement, but as expansion of awareness in the present moment.
Female ejaculation is not a goal. It is not something a man should try to provoke, nor something a woman should feel inferior for not experiencing. Whenever we transform sexuality into performance, we disconnect from presence and from the essence of Tantra.
Instead, Tantra invites us into awareness — into contact with every part of the body and spirit — into curiosity rather than judgment, and into surrender rather than control. From that place, whatever needs to happen simply happens.
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Whether you are new to Tantra or seeking a more authentic understanding of it, Tantra by Ashik offers a gentle and inspiring companion for your path: